Message for MIL | ExpatWoman.com
 

Message for MIL

115
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2014 - 18:32

Dear Mother in law,
I don't want to cook you lunch every Friday! I have 2 toddlers and an exclusive BF infant that needs his mom every 3 hours. We work late Thursday and early Saturday. The Friday gathering idea is yours, never been approved by me. I agreed because I know how much my husband loves you and I love him.
I want my kids to visit me when I'm older. I want them to be around and I want to enjoy their kids. I understand. I think you are nice woman and don't mind visiting you often.
But for God sake: you are rich, retired, fully active, have more time and bigger space. Do the cooking in your house and invite us! It's been 8 weeks in a row and I'm tired and start hating it!
And No, letting my father in law calling every Friday at 10:30am to tell us that you didn't sleep all night and asking should we meet in your place or ours is not nice. Off course we will tell you to come over! This is not invitation! Your son is feeling bad about it and I welcome you with a big smile because I don't want him to feel worse.
Give us a break!

P.s: you definitely don't get tired by inviting your daughter and her family every week neither when you go shopping!
And no I don't care if my FIL doesn't eat from outside. I saw him enjoying the food in restaurants. Next time we will order from outside. Live with it.

Your loving Daughter in Law.
<em>edited by cafelate on 03/05/2014</em>

1987
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 04 May 2014 - 21:22
Once I got my MIL to trust me (after 12 yrs of trying LOL), she confided that her in-laws were very difficult to please and gave her a really hard time while her kids were all young and growing up. Her in-laws also repeatedly tried to convince FIL to divorce her while the kids were young. She admitted that I was the only daughter in law who she felt comfortable with, so she subjected me to the most "tests of loyalty". She said that she recognized me as a "people-pleaser" so she just tried to push me as far as I could go! MIL and FIL pushed DH and I as much as they could, and I tried to love and respect them in spite of it. I tried to focus on how much MIL supported DH's education and upbringing to become the nice DH he is. Think of it as a reverse-compliment, and embrace the Friday Marathon.
115
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 04 May 2014 - 09:26
Apicrot, Thank God it's only MIL & FIL. All others are outside UAE except for his sister and she doesn't visit often. Defiantly I will be ordering this time. Thanks for the suggestion. E are in the same bought, the only thing that made me accept it is my husband's appreciation. But I'm getting frustrated and I don't think this healthy for our relation. Maroosh, I got your point. Nothing will be solved by writing on EW, but at least I feel better now. I can't believe you got thump down for saying that! Oopsiedaizy, It would be fun to see how they will manage to accept guests in such short notice. They should know this feeling! Stylex1, my parents live in AD, we visit them once a month. When they plan to come over they call and arrange weeks before. Having some relatives here is nice for the kids. But assuming that it's your right to book every Friday is too much!
115
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 04 May 2014 - 09:04
Every Friday, that sounds really tough. Ordering food out sounds best, perhaps use the heat as a good reason, that you get too hot cooking inside all day. Sometimes getting 3 little ones ready for a visit and then keeping them happy at someone else's house is harder than being at home so visiting them may not improve the situation much. All the best. Most of us have grandparents 1000's of miles away so try to focus on the positives of your kids seeing them often. But no, you shouldn't be expected to cook each week with such little kids in tow. On positive side, they adore my kids. My kids are very used to them that they don't act like we are in a strange place. But still they are small and should be reminded not to touch things. Heat excuse wouldn't work. My kitchen is very cold. Plus it's not only the cooking part. The whole house should be super clean and the kids and I should be dressed up. Instead of being relaxed on the only off day we have, it's becoming like Marathon!
164
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 04 May 2014 - 08:12
thank god my inlaws are in the usa ..a month with them was bad enough ....i may sound mean but i need my sanity
2287
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 04 May 2014 - 07:37
Cafelatte, as I see it you have two options this Friday: 1. Accept your FIL's (non) offer to eat at their place.. 2. Order food. Either way you'll be fine now that you've vented and decided not to put up with it any longer. And your dh is backing you, so that's all you need. Good luck.
Anonymous (not verified)
0
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 04 May 2014 - 07:01
Maroosh, she doesn't read expat women. English is not our first language. This is just to ventilate... That's not my point. It's not going to change anything is it? Now you're venting and come next Friday you'll be cooking again. So if you're really fed up you need to speak up.
1987
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 03 May 2014 - 23:54
Order food from outside. Tawasy and Gazebo are awesome. Gazebo won't deliver Friday lunch (I have tried!) but you or DH can pick up from their nearest branch after 1.15 or 1.30. I feel your pain, my FIL, MIL, crazy wife of BIL created lots of drama and stress for me, some of which I have vented about on this forum, but I decided my role was to help maintain peace in DH's non-professional life. As long as DH recognizes and appreciates what I do, esp for his relatives, then I will continue to bear it.
123
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2014 - 22:23
Every Friday, that sounds really tough. Ordering food out sounds best, perhaps use the heat as a good reason, that you get too hot cooking inside all day. Sometimes getting 3 little ones ready for a visit and then keeping them happy at someone else's house is harder than being at home so visiting them may not improve the situation much. All the best. Most of us have grandparents 1000's of miles away so try to focus on the positives of your kids seeing them often. But no, you shouldn't be expected to cook each week with such little kids in tow.
115
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2014 - 22:07
Maroosh, she doesn't read expat women. English is not our first language. This is just to ventilate...
Anonymous (not verified)
0
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2014 - 21:34
Maybe in stead of posting it on EW, time to speak to MIL?
115
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2014 - 21:26
Eleanor Roosevelt " No one can take advantage of you without your permission. " When FIL calls say "wonderful! What time should we be there?" This is the plan :D Seriously this meeting suppose to be something fun so they can bond with the little ones. If she will be tired every weekend, maybe I would suggests to cancel it all together!
115
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2014 - 21:23
oh poor you - i feel your pain but I only lasted 3 weeks then had to say something x Every week I decide to say something, then I try to be the big one. Not anymore!
1759
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 03 May 2014 - 21:12
Eleanor Roosevelt " No one can take advantage of you without your permission. " When FIL calls say "wonderful! What time should we be there?"
302
Posts
EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 03 May 2014 - 19:52
oh poor you - i feel your pain but I only lasted 3 weeks then had to say something x
 
 

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